So I wanted to list out the 9 Iron Rules of Tomassi and give my own interpretation of each. The way that I understand and deconstruct each rule may be similar or even alot different than what each of you think. I’m interested whether you see things the same as me and I welcome your own interpretations of them aswell.
Iron Rule of Tomassi #1
Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.
Frame to me is a mindset, a certain way that over the years from a very young age has been the foundation of how you interact with others, your views and beliefs. It can be adopted through parents, siblings, friends, schooling, work and countless other things. So through all of this you have made your own frame both subconsciously as a result of outside forces such as other peoples opinions and beliefs and drawn from them and consciously through reading and study of the human psyche. In essence it is basically who you are as a person.
It goes on to talk about whose frame holds true in a relationship and who’s wavers. I take this as when you are with someone long enough you do adapt certain mannerisms and similar beliefs, this may be because you want them to like you so you scrap at what they enjoy or like and present it as your own.
Holding and controlling the frame is saying you have your views, you are welcome to have them. But mine are LAW!
Iron Rule of Tomassi # 2
NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonestly reveal the number of women you’ve slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.
I have not to this day given an accurate number of how many people I have slept with to another girl, either friends, past flings or girls I’m currently seeing. To me revealing this would just cause a massive shit storm and pave the way for competition anxiety, “how long was he with that girl for”, “where did he take her, is he taking me to the same spot”, “does he do this with all his other girls”. We know that a woman acts covertly in pretty much everything that she does, asking outright “how many girls have you slept with?” is an act of an insecure woman.
Playing the Cocky Funny response is a response that works wonders. Responses can be changed to suite the situation or the girl. (examples i pulled online but have used similar responses)
Her: “So how many girls have you been with?”
You: “You’re my first actually”
Her: “Really, how many girls have you been with?”
You:” You mean tonight?”
Her: “C’mon, how many girls have you been with?”
You: “You know, I really lost count after 50” (or something outrageous).
Her: “How many girls have you been with?”
You: “I have an idea, lets fuck and then you can tell me how many girls you think I’ve been with, OK?”
NEVER give the woman satisfaction of the answer she is looking for!
Iron Rule of Tomassi #3
Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.
I cannot count the amount of times ive been told “I dont usually do this” on a first date when I have the girl naked in bed about to do the deed. To me a girl making you wait or even saying out loud whilst on a date that “we arent having sex tonight” is her way of saying that she is a good girl and you should know that, you are special, I am doing this for you and only you.
A woman who wants to fuck you, will find a way to fuck you. This has been brought up many times in the Rational Male. All woman are sluts they are just trying to find the right guy to bring the slut out in them. The driving factor in whether a girl will or wont sleep with you is the desire to do so, if she has that desire to fuck you right then and there she will fuck you right then and there regardless of who is around.
Bring out that desire, it can be done in anyone, bring out that dormant slut!
Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.
Personally I have never been in a relationship. I have had flings that have lasted 3 months tops. So I cannot give my own thoughts on this.
But in saying that, nothing can cause a rift or waves faster than a new or a couple thats been together for a long period than living together. The constant being around someone as much as you do want to be with them can be exhausting at times. Everyone wants a bit of “me” time, whether going to the gym, run or something as simple as going to the shops.
Rollo talks about how he is against the bringing in of a woman into your own domain, or even moving in with her. To me you will lose all freedom and perks of having you own space, you cant bring a woman into your space and still have your own “space”.
Relationships work better if you spin more plates, or at the very least, keep each other at arms length.
Iron Rule of Tomassi #5
NEVER allow a woman to be in control of the birth.
I have been guilty of this in the past, quite a few times where i have had the “ahh, fuck it mindset” when it comes to birth control. I havnt always had a condom handy but i do try and always have one close by. I have also had the woman say that she is allergic to latex and that she is on the pill. But lets face it, neither party want to wear a condom so the complete trust lies with what the female says and you want to believe her with every fiber of your being that she is on it, who would want to trap you down with a child anyway……?
There is a level of power that the woman holds when she is controlling the contraceptive, there are actually quite a view forms of contraception that woman have available, for men we only have the two, a vasectomy and a condom.
We all to a degree have the trust in the girl when she says that she doesnt want kids for whatever reason. When in a long term relationship this is when you may need extra precautions, “accidental pregnancy” is more common now than ever before. The “unplanned” pregnancy for a woman with or without and education or a degree can be a pretty good prospect, especially when the law and social expectation is on her side.
Iron Rule of Tomassi #6
Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.
The “War Bride” concept plays here. Woman dating back to cave man times all through history to present day have been hardwired by years of evolution and the conflict that comes with it. The concept of war bride is that when villages were raided by outsiders the invaders would kill all the men and take all the woman and claim them as their own, woman had to quickly adapt to the new man or be killed for deifying him.
Over the years from this evolutionary stand point woman have learned to quickly adapt to a new man. A woman will not completely and entirely give herself to any one man so how is she supposed to love that one man when she is constantly surveying and scouting for the next Alpha to take her current man down.
“Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.” – Rollo Tomassi
Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship.
The amount of effort spent on trying to get back the one that got away will easily be less than finding a new woman and starting from the beginning. For whatever reason that led to the breakup sets the foundations on the relationship that you are trying to bring back, it will always be there and playing on the mind, will what drove us apart happen again.
A woman shouldn’t be pedestalised enough for you to want her back, this shows her that she holds the true value in the relationship. You will never escape her impression that you were so optionless you had to beg her to rekindle her intimacy with you.
Iron Rule of Tomassi #8
Always let a woman figure out why she wont ƒuck you, never do it for her.
This could be as simple as she sees or holds herself at a higher sexual market value than where she sees you. A woman will always go for a guy who is equal or higher in SMV.
The complex nature of hypergamy allows woman to be the primary sexual selector, her sexual strategy will lean towards her own attractiveness which allows for her to choose from the best males available to satisfy that strategy.
Social Matching Theory can be described as “All things being equal, an individual will tend to be attracted to, and are more likely to pair off with, another individual who is of the same or like degree of physical attractiveness as themselves.”
People can see themselves and place themselves and others in “leagues”. The social convention of ‘leagues’ mentality is where ‘all things are not equal’ and used to support the feminine imperative, while conveniently still supporting the principle of social matching theory.
Iron Rule of Tomassi #9
Never Self-Deprecate under any circumstance. This is a Kiss of Death that you self-initiate and is the antithesis of the Prize Mentality. Once you’ve accepted yourself and presented yourself as a “complete douche” there’s no going back to confidence with a woman. Never appeal to a woman’s sympathies. Her sympathies are given by her own volition, never when they are begged for — women despise the obligation of sympathy. Nothing kills arousal like pity. Even if you don’t seriously consider yourself pathetic, it never serves your best interest to paint yourself as pathetic. Self-Depreciation is a misguided tool for the AFC, and not something that would even occur to an Alpha.
I see this as the fall back response for a Beta male, trying to make the woman feel sorry towards him in the hopes of striking something in her to try and say that he is in touch with his feelings or he is actually a sweet guy.
It shows that the man has been socially conditioned to recognize and acknowledge his own weakness by pretty much confessing them and in doing so he sees them as ways of showing strengths and attractions to her. He is showing her that he isnt like all the other guys.
Woman want to feel like they are the only ones who can get you to show your soft side, they dont want you to drop down and cry when things get hard or something hurts you or your emotions get the better of you. Nothing endears a man more to a woman than to think only she can break through your shell and get you to find your emotions.