When it comes to game, pickup, talking to girls or whatever you want to call it, what are your concerns?
I have approach anxiety – Why are you afraid to approach a girl, the fear of rejection maybe, being laughed at, scared, you tense up and have no idea on what to do? Approach anxiety is one of the major concerns that men have when talking to girls, how do I approach? What is the best pickup line to use on this girl? You need to deal with the anxiety that comes with talking to girls, you need to learn to get over it or just deal with it. The most simple way of dealing with it is having the “Forest Gump” mentality, if you have ever watched the Forest Gump movie you will know what I am talking about. He approaches people with the same opening “Hi i’m Forset, Forest Gump”, he isn’t worried about things like “what if the girl doesn’t like me”, “what if she isn’t nice” or “what if she is busy with her friends”. His mentality is that he doesn’t expect anything out of the approach, just simply introducing himself. If you can approach with the Forest Gump mentality then the first major concern is dealt with.
The moment you say Hi, you’ve already won. If you suffer from approach anxiety and the initial interaction is you biggest concern then just saying Hi to someone is a big win for you. Everything that happens after that is a bonus.
Is she interested in me – Indicators of Interest (IOI’s) are very subtle mannerisms a girl will show when she is interested. Majority of guys don’t know how to pick up on these because they can be so subtle at times that you may miss them or you may just not know them when she gives them.
The most simple IOI is the girl stopping to talk to you after your approach, whether you are out in a club or even out on the street, her stopping to greet you back is a good sign. After she stops and the conversation is developing and you are still unsure if it is going anywhere or if she is interested she may cross her feet, this is a good sign and shows that she isn’t quite ready to leave yet, she is saying that she isn’t going anywhere.
Another IOI is she will ask questions and try to keep the conversation going. A good way to know if she is investing is to have a 10 second pause in the conversation, this may seem awkward and weird at the time but if the girl is interested she will continue with the conversation. During the interaction a good sign is if she touches or flicks her hair, the underlying conversation here is, this is showing that she wants you to look at it and notice it, “look at what i have”, sort of how a pea-cock flaunts their feathers, this is where the term “pea-cocking” comes from. Holding eye contact and a smile, if she holds eye contact this is good, but if she looks at your lips even better.
The biggest IOI a girl could ever give you is she is still there. There is nothing stopping her from walking away at any time.
I ran out of things to say – Its not about what you say, its about how you say it. Describing something in detail will bring her in, painting pictures in her head so she can visualise what you are talking about. Guys don’t do this when talking to other guys because we don’t really care, but with women it is all about the story and the detail, she will construct a picture in her head, it becomes more interesting and easier for her to relate and listen to you. Once she has the vivid picture in her head, start to describe the sounds, try to write a song in her head. And lastly, as lame as it might sound, try to talk about how it made you feel.
All of these things, painting the picture, writing the song and talking about how it made you feel are key triggers for her to relate to. An example of all these could be “Yesterday I went to the beach, it was all orange, the sun was going down there was a busker playing his guitar and singing and the song he played always makes me feel happy, free, alive. do you ever feel like that?”.
Talk about your passions, it doesn’t matter what it is or if the girl even knows about it or can relate, she doesn’t care, all that she cares about is that you feel this way about something, that you have a passion and a fire and believe in something. When you can communicate something in a way where you can express your passion with something, going into detail and really selling why you love it and why it interests you this shows characteristics of an Alpha male because it is your passion. Its not about what you say, its about how you say it.
For most guys these 3 things can be the major reason for not approaching a girl in public. The ones I have listed may not be the issues that you are dealing with, but hopefully after reading them you will have a bit more confidence in your game.