Sorry for the hiatus, The Brisbane Crew have been exceptionally busy. This is article is about my last big night out with a friend of mine who we will call John and his girlfriend who we will call Sarah.
Last Saturday the misses and I went to her friends Birthday party in the city. It was a hell of a night (one I’m still paying for physically). We all drank like fish, smoked like chimneys and I was singing ‘don’t stop believing’ on the Karaoke machine with every essence of my being at 2:30 AM.
John was was visiting from Sydney. At this point he has been in a relationship for just under a year with Sarah who is from the Gold Coast. He was doing a long distance relationship with her from Sydney. Over the course of the night I became horrified at Johns complete abdication of any authority and Johns girlfriends hostility. She was very pompous (which is strange considering shes from the Goldie, go figure). She had brought her own friends along and John was with them for most of the night. They ended up staying at the same pub as us.
As I went down stairs to meet him it was very evident that he was an outsider to the group he was with. Sarah barely acknowledged my existence as I was being introduced to her (first red flag). I asked John if he wished to join me for a smoke. He looked at Sarah and asked her permission to stand with me while I smoke (no shit!). He then started to bleat on and on about how he wasn’t going to smoke. It was painful for me to see an old friend like this. As we returned from the smoke john spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince Sarah that he didn’t smoke (he didn’t smoke).
“More Red flags than a Chinese Communist party parade”
Throughout the night every time John would go in to kiss Sarah, she would recoil away from him like this. (This is a classic Beta tell by the way).
During such an attempt she looked me in the eye with a “I can’t believe he’s serious“ look. During the Karaoke part of the night the pair were sitting at opposite ends of the room looking miserable. It was such a huge contrast to my misses and I. My Misses was hanging off me the whole night, we had a great time. When the place closed the four of us were outside talking, well 3 of us were. Sarah was facing in the opposite direction to the group ignoring us. I received a text message from John 30 mins after we departed saying that Sarah had bailed on him and he was stuck in the city. Sarah was/is an A class C*$t with more Red flags than a Chinese Communist parade.
What happened that night was Johns fault. Firstly, for having gotten in a relationship with Sarah. Secondly, for tolerating her behavior and thirdly, for letting himself be treated like a dog.
Breaking down his behavior and his standing in his relationship with some obvious points:
- John put Sarah on a pedestal (quote: Are man she’s a Doctor, that’s so hard to find).
- He gave away ALL his authority. Relationships are about frame, if there is a vacuum women will automatically control the frame.
- He was an outsider to his own group. This shows he has very little standing to the group but more importantly to Sarah.
- Sarah didn’t care about his friends. If a women is not interested in a mans friends or his life then it is obvious she is NOT interested in the man.
- John was walking on eggshells all night instead of having fun and living.
- From outsider perspective she was more like a scornful mother than a lover.
- She would recoil every time he would kiss her.
John has been in a few (very) bad relationships. He acts like this because he doesn’t know any better. Too many men believe that this is simply the way relationships are. If you listen to your male colleagues at work you’ll be shocked at how many of them refer to their wife as “The Boss”.
Its not the way it has to be.
Before John left for Sydney I handed him a copy of “The Rationale Male: Preventive medicine”. I am doubtful he will read it or that he will take the lessons on board. Like any thing in life you must pursue something if you wish to gain any understanding.
John reminded me a lot of myself. I used to be fairly Beta. I did the exact same mistakes he did. It was a miserable existence! The first thought process would start with ‘will this make her annoyed?‘. I was always walking on eggshells, . A women wants you to take charge, and be who you are. The moment you act like a child you’ll be treated like one. She will put a leash on you. She will make ever expanding rules. As the leash becomes tighter and tighter you will struggle to breath. Your life will be dictated by her hostile emotions.
For those reading this article who are relating to John right now just know that its not the way it has to be.
If you are miserable in your relationship, read “The Rational Male” and “No more MR Nice guy”. If you are looking to break up a bad relationship you will soon be very relieved and you will know that the world doesn’t end. In fact your life will become so much better.
If you are currently in a bad relationship watch this youtube video. It goes on for over 2 hours. The caller is a text book Beta. Watching the video may wake you up about your own situation and what you have to do.
Till next time folks